Log #5

Recently, I ‘ve watched the video of Ed Helms Giving Knox 2013 Commencement Address. This speech is short yet powerful and inspiring. In addition to his great sense of humor, I like the idea he tried to convey. Mainly, he talked about fear. In the beginning, he said “Fear is good.” Hearing this, my mind was filled with confusion and curiosity. Why is fear good to us? Because of fear of failure, I step away from trying, refuse to make decisions. Then why is fear good to us? After his explanation, I knew I view fear in the wrong way: viewing fear as a feeling and emotion; as a result, I was affected emotionally. However, we actually have better choice to get along with our fear.

“All of that is to say, that fear of known physical danger is obviously warranted and needn't be questioned or overthought. But that other kind of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear that shuts down action without any real explanation. When you feel that fear, let it be a trigger for curiosity.”

“We should look at our fear not as a reason to avoid the things that frighten us, but as a reason to engage them.”

Ed Helm shared his story with graduates. When he was little, he dreamed to be a comedian and make great comedies. To pave the way for this dream, he started as a film editor assistant to make money. Although he encountered with many challenges, he made through it and even became an expert in that fields. However, when he finally got the chance to pursue the position he really dreamed of (comedian), he hanged back and started questioning himself out of fear. I think I can totally understand him. In front of the opportunity of what we truly like or long for, the more fear come to us because we are so afraid of screwing up our dream. As Ed mentioned “It hit me like a rock. Looking deeper into my fear revealed something I truly wanted.”, I think that is also what I exactly fear for. “When you fail at the thing you love, it isn't on the outside of you like dirt or spilled mayonnaise.” Since I planned for so long and worked so hard to get to NTUST, since here is where I had been dreamed about, I am so afraid of screwing this up that I chose to step back, not to make decisions; but in fact, I know, I am only escaping and not solving problems and only making me more ignorant. Rather than escaping from the problems, Ed talked to himself, talked to his fear. And he realized that if you let it, fear can become a kind of spirit guide on your path to a successful life because fear is a sign for us to identify our weaknesses, room for improvements; and if we could take it as our guide, it would make us stronger, lead us to success.

 “When you run away from fear, you also run away from the opportunity to be your best possible self.”

When facing fear, maybe I am still not brave enough; nevertheless, I realized I have different choices get along with it and expect to stopped running away from the opportunity to be my best possible self and even take it as my guide in the future.

“That tension will always be there, but so long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you're on the right track. A life oriented toward discovery is infinitely more rewarding than a life oriented toward not blowing it.”

Log #7

        Some people say that if you want to learn to love someone, you have to learn to love yourself at first. Few days ago, I just got home with nothing but tiredness, thinking about having a hot shower to relieve both my body and my mind. I like to think when showering. In the bathroom, I stood in front of a mirror, stared at the girl in the mirror, looked into the girl’s eyes. I saw through her inner part, filled with unconfience, insecurity, confusion, mess. I knew it at the moment, I disliked her. Yes, I dislike who I am now. Then so many “why” popped up in my mind. Why don’t I like myself? Why would I become the person I don’t like? Therefore, recently, I’ve been thinking about those why and my weaknesses.

        After past difficult time with hard work, I finally entered my ideal university. How come I become a person I don’t like and the person who are getting more and more unconfident and confused? To figured it out, I read many blogs from other classmates because I wanted to know how others explore themselves and learn form them. I am really touched from some blogs and feel better because I know I am not alone and there are partners facing same difficulties as I am. I am also impressed that so many classmates are really good at telling stories and reflecting. Many of them have well cultivated independent and critical thinking, which is what I lack of. Knowing this, I feel more unconfident. But in the meantime, I started to thinking about why some of them are so good at those abilities (independent and critical thinking, story- telling) and why I am not. Recently, I've read some articles related to how to cultivate independent thinking and connections between read and think. I found it is actually related to the capability of thinking and reflecting. So I realized that it somehow results from I am the person who has stopped thinking, stopped writing, stopped reflecting for so long. As I what I’ve mentioned in the last blog, I participate in different school clubs, holding various activities to make my life more colorful, meaningful yet busy as well. However, frankly speaking, busy as I am, I don’t really understand the meaning towards everything I dedicate to because I don’t meditate sometimes; or even I do, I don’t write those thoughts down. I let it be. I let life be. And I gradually realized that’s the problem. I usually let ideas stay in mind instead of organized them and write them down because I see it too troublesome. And thoughts which aren’t noted down are usually not be narrowed down or organized, either; therefore, they may stay in mind in a messy way and easily fade away with time passing. I am thinking that the above may be reasons why I am poor at independent thinking, and even poor at reflecting, which make me feel unconfident and ignorant in front of others.

        In fact, I do embrace the importance of reflection for human beings in life. Reflection reminds us of living more than just alive. It rouses our anger, sympathy, thirst, our all kinds of feelings, guiding us to find the meanings beyond surface. So when seeing a movie or reading a novel, what audiences really gain are more than the stories and the plots but also ideas and metaphor hidden in the words. Because we see, we feel, we reflect, so we would know who we really are and make improvement, make us better people. I’ve stopped writing reflection from movies, from books, from details in life for a quite a while. Now realizing such situation, I’ll try to back to write for the ability of reflecting.

Log #6

　　To be honest, every time when I hear other classmates talking about their dreams passionately and how they pave the way for dreams, I feel small and unconfident because I find no ways to go. As I remember, I haven’t been like this, so insecure before the college. I used to know the goals, what I exactly want to pursue and how hard I should work so that it can take me to where I want to go.

　　In fact, I set the goal to enter National Taiwan Tech when I was only in junior high school. I know it sounds crazy, but I really did. I hated math. My physics and chemistry were poor. I knew that I wasn’t suitable for regular high school. Among all the subject, English is always my favorite and what I am good at. Therefore, speaking of another stage after junior high, I made up my mind to go to vocational high school and major in English. And for vocational high school students, National Taiwan Tech is best university to go. So when most of my classmates were thinking about having fun in life, I was pictured the way to my ideal university. The class I belonged to was notorious in school. Almost every teacher gave up teaching and leading us to right direction except for my homeroom teacher. The moment I realized that under such situation if I couldn’t be self-discipline, I would ruin my future, I knew that I was the only one I could rely on. As a result, I studied so hard at that time. Due to that the in class atmosphere was too noisy and messy, I slept in class, went to cram school and stayed up late studying. After I went to my ideal vocational high school, I still worked so hard to make my Taiwan Tech dream come true. During those time, I was only thinking about one thing: study harder and harder and harder as I could; those future things could wait until I really entered my ideal college.

　　And I am here now, but I am lost. This is where I dreamed about, I pictured all the way to university, but I didn’t picture the rest of it. I know college life is the critical stage that will decide my future, and I should spend time making myself a better person, cultivating irreplaceable profession and preparing for the future. Just because of it, I am so afraid to face the music. I started to attend various activities and school clubs to make my life more colorful and meaningful. Please don’t take it in the wrong way, I did learn a lot from them. However, I thought it is a way to guide me; I realized it may be the way for me to escape from the reality. I find myself unconsciously refuse to think about the future and ideal career. I find myself afraid of making decision. Sometimes, I even convince myself that it’s too early for me to worry about that even though I know it’s not truth. Therefore, when other classmates discuss their future plan, I feel embarrassed because I have nothing in mind, nothing to tell. I don’t know the answer any more. So when doing Gloria’s project last semester, it was actually tough for me. For this, I think I would never forget what my mother once told me when we having conversation about my future. She said “You are the girl always with plans, I am never worried about you. But now, you seem like a new person to me, not the one that I used to know.” It truly hurt when I heard it. Yet those words are like the lyrics; they're coming like a wrecking ball. I know it's about time for me to get back on my feet. I should not procrastinate any longer. There are two years left. I can do nothing, or I can do many things. I am still confused, but I started to face it, try to picture the rest part. It's hard but I am trying.

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Concept Map

Concept Map

Log #4

To fight for gender equality, you may be aware of that there have been a lot of activists standing out and speaking out for this issue. Some influential activists include statesman, Hilary, celebrities, Emma Watson, even a little girl, Malala and so on. Do you notice that many of these activists that you would probably think of tend to be feminists? Speaking of gender inequality, women mostly are the victims of it rather than men. For example, down in some countries in the world like Pakistan, India, female doesn’t even have the chance to be educated, to have fair right to speak out for themselves. Some of them still live under the threat of being discriminated, and being raped. I am the lucky one that was born in Taiwan, in a wonderful family. So I can have the chance to be well-educated, to go to college, now studying in Taiwan Tech. And even, have the chance to stand here today, making this presentation, talking about this issue with you all. But please don’t take it in the wrong way, we are not saying that no men suffer from this issue. Therefore, gender equality is actually an issue for all of us.

Emma Watson is one of the activists that speak out for this issue. I find her speech really inspiring that I want to share some ideas with you. Feminism by definition is: “The belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. It is the theory of the political, economic and social equality of the sexes.” Feminism is actually fight for equal rights. It shouldn’t become an unpopular word and synonymous with man-hating. “Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong. It is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum not as two opposing sets of ideals.” This is also one of parts that touched me. And if you feel in the same way as I did. If you believe in equality, then you may be the inadvertent feminists. And please don’t misunderstand this word “feminism” anymore because when you support for it you are fighting for your rights, too, protecting yourself suffering from the gender stereotypes and discrimination. English statesman Edmund Burke said: “All that is needed for the forces of evil to triumph is for enough good men and women to do nothing.” So when one day you have the opportunity to do something or say something. Please keep this in mind “ If not me, who, if not now, when.” 

Log #3

This week, I would like to continue talking about some issues behind the story I brought out in the previous blog. When reading that story, would you think of gender inequality or gender stereotype? I did. Nowadays, social value system is much more liberal than before. People are more willing and encouraged to show their differences such as different sexual orientation, gender identity disorder, transvestite fetishism. By the way, transvestite are people who like to dress up like and act like the opposite gender; however, they don’t have gender identity disorder. In our generation, during the process of growth, we actually had many classmates who were transvestite such as cool girls look handsome, have male hair cut and act like a man. However, do you notice that in this area, males tend to receive more judgments and discrimination than females? Why is that? This is actually an issue that we can think about. I am still looking for some articles or searches related to this issue. In my perspectives, I would say that this situation may result from gender stereotype. Speaking of the victims of gender equality, we are more likely to think of females. However, in many aspects, males also suffer from it. By the way, to share a joke, a funny talk show that impressed me a lot mentioned that “I am really sick of it every time when women tell me how much they like Titanic because how romantic it is. Nonsense! Titanic is totally a scary movie! Come on! All men in that movie are dead.”

Log #2

        

Last week, my main point was about that love should not include discrimination and hatred; on the other hand, we need to learn to embrace diversity. As one thing that impressed me in class last week, we should not use our knowledge as weapons to hurt others that are different from us. Not to mention that a lot of criticism are not based on knowledge but on personal viewpoints and stereotypes.

        Speaking of diversity, previous blog talked about an ad supporting for homosexual orientation. This week, I am going to share a different story, a story about unconditional love, respect and understanding. A mother wrote about her son. When this little boy was six years old, his parents bought a puppet theater and a chest of dress-up clothes for him. Within those clothes, there is a sparkly green halter dress which caught the boy’s attention. In the beginning, the parents also prepared girl’s costume because they didn’t want to limit his creativity. However, from the moment the little boy put on that beautiful green dress, he or maybe she never really took it off.

I think this situation was definitely out of their surprise. Instead of “correcting” this behavior, the parents chose to be open-minded, and chose to respect. Whenever the boy asked to put on a dress, they never say no and never saw him as a weird kid. Even though I am not a mother yet, I know this is really really difficult for the parents. Parents are always worried about their children being different, afraid of kids getting hurt and being bullied. For them, this is definitely not an easy issue only about showing support. Of course, family’s supports are important. Nonetheless, from the moment they say “yes” to kids, they have to see their sweethearts going on a different path with more obstacles. They have to become so far stronger to face those worries coming right up, to protect their babies from hurt. This is not easy. In the article, the mother said” My husband and I were never of the opinion that girls should not wear pants or climb trees or get dirty, or that boys should not have long hair or play with dolls or like pink, so the dress did not cause us undue alarm or worry. But school was about to start, and we found ourselves at a crossroads.” In the end, still chose to support and taught the boy how to protect himself when parents are not around. I can understand and deeply felt their struggle. I can see the efforts they made for him. I was so touched when reading this story. I still remember the mother said” And we, as a family, decided to be open and honest about it, too, celebrating her story instead of hiding it.” I really recommend you all to read this article. Both as a mother and as a child would be so touched as I was.

Reference: https://cn.nytstyle.com/style/20160920/modern-love-transgender-child-identity-parenting/en-us/

Log #1

        Recently, I’ve read an article about that Coke Cola won praise for support for diversity. It is always great and encouraging to see celebrities and marquee brands which have ability to influence people publicly stand out for the right things. After all, I think this is not that easy for these group of people (with high influence) to speak out for the controversial issues.

        In the article, it introduces the reader a new ad that has just launched by Coke Cola recently. After reading it, I saw that video of ad. It is about two siblings (a brother and a sister) both fancy a handsome pool boy and fight with each other in order to give that pool boy cold drink. This ad support for diversity in an implicit way. To be honest, if I hadn’t have read this article before I watched this ad, I wouldn’t have found out the metaphorical meaning within the video. And I believe there are many people acting just like I did. What I am trying to point out is that I’ve already took it so naturally; homosexual people and homosexual relationship are not and shouldn’t be seen as a strange thing anymore. There is no different speaking of love. Love is not supposed to include hatred so long as discrimination. 

reference: 

https://mobile.nytimes.com/reuters/2017/03/06/us/06reuters-usa-lgbt-coca-cola.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWBQP-bxfX0

# Log 5

The author: Emily Bronte

The name of the novel: Wuthering Heights

For group project, we chose very classic one, Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte as the novel that we are going to read. To be honest, if it were not the project for group, I wouldn’t make this brave decision because I’ve heard that this is not an easy novel to pick up. After I started to read it, I had to say I totally felt the same way. How the author tells the story is from the modern ones. To put it in this way, the description of everything in this book, such as settings, incidents, weather, characters is meticulous but complicated. Some part of the chapters, I had to read it once again to try to understand the plots. Fortunately, I have members to discuss my confusion of the story.

 After reading for a while, I found out that we are actually reading the story form the third person, Mr. Lockwood. The story started with Mr. Lockwood visiting the landlord of Heathcliff. Because of curiosity, he asked Nelly(a servant) of story about Heathcliff and his family.

In the beginning, our main character, named Heathcliff, was taken home to Wuthering Heights by old Earnshaw on the way for business. Old Earnshaw takes Heathcliff as his real son, loves him unconditionally and protects him from any hurt. However, because Heathcliff used to be an orphan, and he is a gypsy; without doubt, he was bullied, especially by Hindley, old Earnshaw’s son. Hindley is so jealous that he thinks Heathcliff steals his father’s love and care away from him; therefore, Hindley treats Heathcliff very bad. On the contrary, Catherine, the other kid of old Earnshaw, becomes really good friends with Heathcliff. Unfortunately, after the death of old Earnshaw, Hindley inherit his father properties; how he treats Heathcliff become worse and worse by the time passes.

I have to say, in the beginning, Heathcliff seems to be a really weird person; but on the other hand, he is also mysterious. The relationship among people in Wuthering Heights is also complicated and mysterious. It like that I become Mr. Lockwood. I explore more information with him as I read more. I am also curious what happened to Heathcliff that makes him become a cynical man. The plots I’ve read so far makes me want to know more about the story happened to these family, especially about Catherine and Heathcliff.

Log #4

Name of The Book: Coraline

I start my second novel with Coraline, which style is a lot different from the first one. Coraline is actually much easier to read. I guess it is probably a book for children. In the beginning of the book, I really like the saying by the G.K. Chesterton “Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragon exist, but because they tell us that dragon can be beaten.” Besides I’ve watched the adapted movie, this quote impressed me so much that become the reason I started this novel.

This is talking about a story happened after Coraline’s family moved into a new house. The author makes the atmosphere in the story freaky and horrifying just in the beginning by his description of environment and characters. Coraline has really wired neighbors, who act really wired without doubt. Two of them are retired actresses who have special taste of outfit and make up, always have argument about everything. And another one is a crazy old man with big mustache who claims that he was training a mouse circus. In addition to strange neighbors, what makes it scarier is the warning. The warning to tell Coraline to keep away from the dangerous well. It makes me more curious.

Speaking of curiosity, Coraline is a curious girl. She likes to explore things. In the book, she calls herself an explorer. However, because of a downpour, Coraline was forced to stay at home. Her parents are both too busy to spend time with her. Feeling too bored, Coraline has no choice but to explore the house. She starts to count every door and window at home. Then, she finds out one door was in the corner of the room: the fourteenth door, which is locked. This inspires her curiosity to explore it. To Coraline’s surprise, it turns out to be that this door doesn't go anywhere; it opens onto a brick wall. However, after the day she opened the fourteenth door, she started to have freaky dream. However, in the beginning, Coraline considers it to be a fantastic dream because in that world she meet her other parents who play perfect roles and fulfill her every expectation which her real parents are too busy to do for her in reality.

Her dreams remind me of mine. I had similar ones before. Compared to Coraline's feeling, I was really scared and saw them as nightmare instead of fantastic ones. Impressed by horror movies and novels, I was highly influenced when I was little. Things like other parents, talking animals all made me uncomfortable; not to mention I would like the dream.

Log #3

Name of the book: Silver Linings Playbook

Roonie, one of Pat’s best friend, finally came to visit him. Speaking of Roomie, Pat is kind of upset since Roonie didn’t ever go to visit him when he was in mental hospital. When Pat heard Roomie said “I’m on my way home, so I only have a few minutes.”, Pat knew that Roomie’s wife, Veronica didn’t know Roonie’s visiting. When some situation happens or things go wrong, it is really hard and so depressed to realized that who you see as best friends doesn’t really care about you so much like you do. Pat might have been waited Roonie to visit him in bad place for so long, and the result turned out to be that Pat never seen Roonie once. I felt sad when read this. I do because I think best friends are supposed to be those who you can share life’s ups and downs with.

　  Based on Dr. Patel’s suggestion, Pat did wear eagle jersey to the dinner party. It is quite funny having problems choosing outfit to wear to the dinner. Well, I actually have this problem as well. The differences between Pat and me are that Pat doesn’t know which clothes to choose because of Veronica’s fussy, and I just have problems of making decision. Also, I am really curious about why Pat hates Kenny G so much. I guess it must have some relation to Nikki or apart time. Every time when Pat speaks of Nikki in the book, the words Pat uses to describe Nikki are really beautiful. I can feel how much Pat loves Nikki and cares about her only by reading the words, which is romantic. It seems that Pat is getting better than before. He not only practices being kind but also tries hard to control his temper. It is good and happy for reader to see his growth gradually.

Log #2

　　

Name of the book: Silver Linings Playbook

　　Although Pat has stayed in the mental hospital for 4 years, it seems that he doesn’t get well at all. Maybe it is because Doctor there used the wrong way to treat Pat. Pat’s mother is really a thoughtful and patient woman that always works so hard to help Pat and comfort him. She made me think of my mother. Whenever I feel depressed or stuck in frustration, she is always there for me to encourage me and keep me company. However, the way of getting along with Pat between Pat’s parents were totally different. In the chapter that I’ve read, Pat watched the football game with all of his family. However, the atmosphere was not quite right. It seemed that his father tried to ignore him. In fact, Pat’s father hasn’t talked to him since he was sent to mental hospital. This made Pat think that his father hated him because of feeling shamed to have a mentally messed-up son. I think the way Pat’s father deal with Pat’s emotional problems is not appropriate. He should not be shamed and stopped talking to Pat. He should communicate with Pat and tried to help him instead.

Log #1

Name of book: Silver Linings Playbook

　　Before I read this novel, I had watched this movie. I quite like it. the story background is really special, and completely different from other romantic story. This book is more like telling a love story between two psychos, well, I mean two patients with mental illness. I really like the movie. This is the story of a mentally man who struggles to find his place in life but who remains committed to letting love guide him. The very last scene on the soccer field where Pat and Tiffany are lying. They found they needed to be together for love's sake, without any consideration to their illnesses. I do like Pat. He is confused and incredibly disoriented yet he doesn't give up on life and on people. He is so believing in silver linings. And this is exactly what I expect myself to keep up with. It is important for us to have faith in life, to believe that even though life is just difficult sometimes, we shouldn’t ever lose our faith in love. 

　　The way Pat describes silver linings in his own definition was really beautiful and perusable. I can even see the picture in my mind only by reading the words. When Pat talked about A Farewell to Arms, I quite agree with his feeling of the book. The ending of it is too hopeless. I would want to know that if every book has its thought to give out, what does this tragedy want to teach us? I am curious. When it comes to crabby snacks, Pat thinks of some memories with Nikki. Nikki liked to complain on the ride home about her eating too much, which made her feeling really fat when they were still together. Pat used to tell her that he didn’t want to hear her complain. However, he feels regret to did so, and he decides that he would comfort her next time when this situation happen again. I think it is quite sad that it is always not until our lost for us to realize that we should do more for our love and always remember to cherish the time we can spend with each other. I think of one Chinese saying, which I translate into "People are always chasing those we don't have or  we've lost."

My Reading History

        First of all, after I recalled my reading history. I would say that I used to be a reader in both Mandarin and English, however, mostly in Mandarin or translated into Mandarin. It’s been a long time that I haven’t take much time to read since I entered college. Most of my spare time is spent on school club, part-time jobs and so on. Nonetheless, I like reading. Reading used to be the way which helped me to relax and the thing I would do during free time before high school. Although I really read a lot during those time in high school, to be honest, most of time I was expected and even forested to do so; I was under pressure. This kind of made me lose my interest in reading, which may be the reason that I spent less time on books now.

For a book-lover, it is actually hard to pick a favorite one. The Lovely Bones was one of them that impressed me. It is talking about a girl, raped and then murdered by her neighbor, couldn’t let go resentment, love and memories after she was going to another world, which I mean the world after death. I think this story is more about forgiveness which is important and related to everyone’s life. We would see why and how main character changed her mind and started to forgive and forget the murderer and her loved ones. I still keep in one saying “Life is about forgiving and moving on.”

        As for the reason that I become a reader, I think my mother had a great impact on me. She helped me pick up the habit of reading since I was really little. Before I could recognize words, she bought all kinds of books beforehand (about history, fairy tales etc.) and always told me those stories as long as she was free which made me started my interest in books. I still remember that after I can read by myself, my mother asked my sister and I to pick two books from our book selves per week and share our reflection with each other on weekends. This really helped cultivate habit and interest in reading.

        I think the above is pretty much my reading history that so far I’ve recalled. I think I actually hope that I can pick up the habit of reading once again.