Log #7 What Makes Our Life Worth Living

Losing the purpose of life is one thing. But suicide is another whole thing. 

Remember the phrase that says "the value of a thing will greatly increase the moment we lost the thing? Apparently, this applies to almost every one of us. This fact had made me pondered for as much as I could remember and started to question myself a lot. Such as how could we appreciate our life without having the need to encounter such a loss? How do we be grateful for everything before anything undesirable happen and make us think "Oh I wish,," -- before everything is too late to be reversed. I think the answer to this is closely related to how we view and how we live. By setting our attitude to appreciate everything and to live in the moment will change our entire world. Of course, it is very hard to have such determination and motivation and this is why the percentage of less happy people in the world were are overflowing. But if you manage to have this attitude applies to your daily life, you will understand the feeling that only you could understand. 

So in relation to this "life appreciation" I would like to share a story of my friend, and a book- When Breath becomes air.

To be honest, I never really know this one friend of mine. we just happen to be in the same summer school for the whole 2 months but never talked to one another (We were both from Indonesia). The first news I have heard from her after 2 years, was her attempting suicide. After a lot of stories from her friends and her status update in social media, I finally found out that she had been suffering from severe depression and chronic insomnia. I could somehow relate myself to her since I also suffer from a mild depression. She said she got bullied by some girls in her current university. She also had a problem accepting her appearance which led her into the embracement of depression. She had planned for a suicidal thought for a very long time inside her mind, and just one night, she built up her courage and swallowed all of her prescription pills. Fortunately, dying from overdosing were not very effective for her. (she survived and undergone gastric suction). Nobody could be sure whether she would not try to do this attempt again in the near future, but through this experience, she realized that there were still a lot of people who care for her, and it is her right to be alive. 

When Breath Becomes Air - Paul Kalanithi

 

The reason I chose this book was because of the low-tide I was feeling at that time and I came across this book with a depressing title and cover. I was hoping that I could attain, even just a bit, ray of hopes and motivation from the story. 

Indeed as the title, you could guess that the main character died at the end of the story (oh how I love this kind of ending). But the shocking fact is that the main character in the story was no other than the author himself. He wrote this books in the awareness that he was going to die soon. (He never finish the book :()

For brief information, the author used to major in English literature and human biology. He later finished his master in history and philosophy of medicine and continued to enter medical school and became an outstanding neurosurgeon. 

the author had spent his entire life chasing his dream and building potential, the potential that would later go unrealized. Until one day of his mid-30s, he was diagnosed with a stage-four lung cancer. I still remember his regret. "from all the time, when I finally ready to do an amazing thing to the world, I had cancer". 

During his several years battling cancer, he was searching for the answer of "what makes life worth living". He also said, "You have to figure out what is most important to you". In his case, he was faced with a dilemma whether to give up on his neurosurgeon title or became a writer instead. He never know how long does he have. 3 years then he will be a writer, 10 years and he will spend 7 years as surgeon and rest as a writer. But unfortunately, Life isn't something we could make a prediction of. Sometimes, when we are about to lose everything, we started to feel that everything are important to us. There are still a lot of things we want to do. and we wish we would have more opportunity to be living in this world,  as a healthy person, doing everything we like, and appreciate all we have when we still have the ability to appreciate. 

"Because I would have to learn to live in a different way, seeing death as an imposing itinerant visitor but knowing that even if I'm dying, until I actually die, I am still living"

Log #6

I stare at my reflection in the mirror

Why am I doing this to myself?

Losing my mind on a tiny error,

I nearly left the real me on the shelf.

No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay.

Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.

Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,

Just be true to who you are!

(Who You Are - Jessie J)

A second, a minute, an hour, a day goes by. The earth never stops rotating and before I realized, months has passed away. Christmas had long been gone and climate has started to get warm. But here I am, leading and living this flat and toneless life that has sadly become a part of my early 20s'. I used to have a lot of motivational quotes covering the wall of my room. I always tried to get myself motivated and avoid all the negativity whenever I was down. But instead of getting all the positives vibes, I started to feel a gap between me and my true self. The motivation began to work inversely and place me in an even more undesirable position. Then later, I found myself going over this article about Internal and External motivation and how it affects us psychologically.  

Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation

https://www.verywell.com/differences-between-extrinsic-and-intrinsic-motivation-2795384

https://www.boundless.com/psychology/textbooks/boundless-psychology-textbook/motivation-12/theories-of-motivation-65/incentive-theory-of-motivation-and-intrinsic-vs-extrinsic-motivation-252-12787/

According to the article, internal and external motivation both affect us in a different mechanism. While it is healthy to have external motivation from people who do well in some distinct field, many researchers believe that too much external motivation could affect how our mind originate the internal motivation. Hence, people will start to lose their true identity since they have no handhold to hold on to. To put things in order, we have to maintain the balance between both motivations and stick to our own value and belief. Never lose our inner desire and the purpose of our life. 

In my case, after doing a deep thinking and tracing back to the root of the problems. I think it is because I didn't have a clear goal set in my head from the very beginning. I was studying Architecture when I first enrolled into college. I was pressured for the whole 2 years in that department. Not because of the overwhelming amount of homework, but because I never felt the joy that most students felt during the studying process. I was assured that I was in the wrong place from the very beginning but too afraid to face the truth. This is why I keep bathing myself in all of that endless motivation, lying, avoiding the reality. 

Things have started to get better soon after I transferred into AFL. But the depression seems to like me more than I thought. I still feel pretty much lost as before, only with much more time and preparation to think about my life. But who knows, not only do I have more time to reflect on myself, I also allow myself to be more vulnerable to the negativity. My life becomes darker each day, I've lost the hobbies which I used to cherish a lot (photography). In some of my worst day, I will avoid my best friend (who are already far apart) and spend my time doing everything alone, which is not much different than the usual but only this time, swallowed up by all the dark clouds.

Right now, I am working on accepting who I really am. Just like the lyric in Jessie J 'who you are' song. (I shared it on the beginning of the post) I have to find back my true self and to discover what my purpose in life is. The song meant a thousand words and it often reminds me that I am not alone and sometimes, it's okay not to feel okay. It's okay to be vulnerable, It's okay that you are feeling useless, cause that is how your body response to yourself. 

All my life, I have been living in meeting up others expectation. It seemed like unconsciously, every action I took were in the consideration to earn for people's recognition. I didn't realize I was too busy living in all my ego that I never really consider what my little tiny heart really want. So I have made a resolution, from this moment on I will live my days for myself (in a positive way). I will try to care less about people's opinion and be true to myself. 

Concept Map

Log #5

Talking about exploring ourselves, the first thought that pops into my mind is "this is indeed a hard topic!".

I (or for most people) tend to think that we are the one who understands ourselves the best. But as I grew older, I started to question myself a lot. I began to realize that things were not as simple as I what thought back when I was still a kid. The world has taken its turn, the society has played its role and unfortunately, they turned out to affect the identity of those who were just as LOST as I AM.

To exaggerate, which I am not, the past three years of my life were like riding a roller coaster. Stuff was happening so fast, too fast for me to even keep the track of it. It was like someone kept pushing the fast forward button of my life and before I knew it, I was faced with depression. The depression has literally started to taken over the substitute role of my own shadow. I am losing my purpose of living. I've been through the journey of losing all of my passions to finding a new passion just for losing it again. Sometimes, I even question my existence and meaning of living. I felt like being in the center of the gravity where everything in this world is moving around rapidly but you.

But of course, no matter what happen, the world keeps marching forward and so do I. Because if I am not the one to be responsible for myself, who else will? So I force myself to crawl back from the pit of darkness and trying to find myself back. So many things had been put on the stake, I lost a lot, but wonderful things are sure to follow. It is a long and hard journey indeed and I am working my way through it.
So I think this was a very good project and also my chance to explore more of my unplumbed aspects.

Ps: I think I have found myself a very suitable book to read. The book is "When Breath Becomes Air" by Paul kalanithi. (The book has just arrived this morning so I haven't get the chance to read it)

It is a story about his memoirs and his battle towards illness. I hope that through reading his story will make me feel much more grateful for the life I am having now.

Log #4

After coming across a lot of articles related to Transgender, I still find myself struggling in understanding the pain and the trouble transgender people come across in their daily life. I have tried putting myself in their position but still, we couldn't possibly understand them fully unless being a transgender itself. And then, I found this article online about "How music represents our feelings"

Music is what feelings sound like

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/naked-truth/201410/music-is-what-feelings-sound

According to the article, Music can help us express emotion that is hard to verbalize. Most of our lives are never being apart from music, and I personally couldn't agree more with the article. Human emotions, believe it or not, are synchronized with certain types of music. People tend to listen to sad songs when they are unhappy and vice versa. Sometimes, nothing understands us better than music. It never failed to help us relieve whatever emotions stuck inside of us.

Thanks to this article, I started to search for any song related to Transgender on youtube and hope maybe somehow, after listening to their music, I could find myself getting closer to them. And to my surprise, there are tons of transgender songs ever written!

(This one is my favorite so far)

'Define Me' - Ryan Amador (featuring Jo Lampert)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyNSGff-Nh4&list=PLtt_guHIjad9RaSI52MKQbr2r0XzuH7sQ&index=5

After hearing couples of transgender songs, I could feel a surge of overflowing emotions inside the song. It is as if the composers genuinely concentrate all of their inner feelings when writing the song. I could feel the rage, the hardship, and the pain they all had buried deep inside their heart. and music is their only way to express their emotions without being judged (hopefully).

I personally think the song "Define me" is splendidly composed. The lyrics have a very deep and rich meaning to it. It was all about how people define them (transgender) as something harmful, something disgusting. It was about how they wanted the world to hear their little voices, that they are also the creature of this earth, Human. They are also doing the best they could. Also, they will keep being proud of being who they are, cause that's what they are. Last but not least, I found something very touching and beautiful on the comment sections of the songs. I could see how a lot of transgender people commented and posted their feelings, how they talked about their pride, and how they all could relate fully to the song. 

Lyrics of "Define me" (Recommended)

https://ryanamador.bandcamp.com/track/define-me-feat-jo-lampert-single

Log #3

Recently, I have been so into an American tv series called "Glee". I believe that some of you might have heard of it or even watched it. Funnily enough, the more I watch the series the more I realize the content of the movie is very related to the topic our group is going to raise for the first project, which is Transgender. Even though the movie was all about musical performance and stuff, but if you really are paying an attention, it actually has a lot of moral values for us to grasp.

The story was about a bunch of outcasted students, who find themselves with nothing they are really good at but singing. They are all the victims of discrimination at school just only because they are jews, black, Asian, gay, lesbian, transgender, poor or crippled. During the 4 seasons I have watched so far, I am very excited as if I was growing together with them. They used to be so pessimistic about life, they cared about all the labels people get them, they even lost their real identity on their searching of one. But all I can see at them right now is a whole new individual who is very proud of being who they really are.

There is a conversation inside the movie that punched my heart so bad:

" I don't feel right in the men's locker room, but I can't go into the girls'
and I don't feel right in men's clothing, but I can't wear dresses every day. 
It sucks to never know your place. It feels nice for once to feel like I found one ".  

The point I was trying to make is that label crushes our society. The mental of the teenagers who just might have shine very bright in the future was wrecked because of all the judgments that are bestowed upon them.  Just like in the Transgender case, they didn't have the leisure to be what they want to be or meant to be. I am trying to be rational here. I am a believer of "Everything happens for a reason". And they exist also for a reason.

Log #2

On my reading this week about Transgender, I am focusing more on their mental health. I have to admit that through the whole process of the reading, I feel kind of irritated and concerned about how being a minority affects the social life and the mental health of Transgender.
It is very heartbreaking when I found out about the humiliation, the alienation, and the discrimination the transgender teens had to go through prior to their coming of age. It is the most significant moment, especially for teens, in building up their identity. It is when teens are going through their "most rebellious phase" and yet the transgender teens still have to deal with all the bullying and to understand their sexuality. It is the time when all they need is just a simple affection, understanding, and acceptance from others.

According to one article, regarding the research conducted between the transgender and non-transgender:

65% of non-transgender says they are optimistic about their future while only 30.5 % of transgender do. 

All I can say when looking at the chart is, We all do have rights to dream, and so does transgender. Sure everybody will somehow feel uncertain of their future. We all do. But do you know all the discrimination that occurs make it even worse for transgender? Transgender do not have any mental illness (WHO is positive on that), but it is the unawareness in the society that makes the best toxic to their mental health.

Related Link: http://www.activeminds.org/transgender-college-student-mental-health

Log #1

When we first hear of Transgender, what will be the first impression that pops out in our head?
Strange? Disgusting? Abomination? Illegal?
or in fewer cases, people might think "it is Cool" "It is interesting" "You are no any different"

But, Do we really understand them? Do we really understand what being a Transgender mean?
We, people of the society often misunderstand them. We often push our own beliefs toward them without any intention to stand in their position.
Our opinions often work like a toxic that slowly drag them to the corner without a room to breath. Hence, a lot of transgender prefer to hide from the society. They gradually lose their confidence over time. They lose all rights to live just like other common people.

In my case, I could say that I understand nothing about being a transgender. This term is quite new to me and I have never met them in my life. So I think It would be a good idea if we would be willing to at least understand them. Wouldn't it make the world a little bit better?

So through our project this time, we wish with the information we will gather in the future, with more approaches toward the transgender community. We will have a fresher and a better understanding of their existence.

Link : http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2016/6/08/stopping-suffering-transgender-immigrants

Log #9

The Life List

Lori Nelson Spielman

Pages :272-331 (Completed)

The last few chapters were marked by the fierce court battle between Brett and Sanquita mother. Unfortunately, Sanquita didn't survive her labor and left Brett with her daughter- Austin Elizabeth. In the end, Brett came out as the winner for the title of the legal parents. It could be seen that Brett has matured a lot and ready for taking care of the baby. 

Another Bravery of Brett which she didn't have before, could be seen when She was trying her best to reject a man that loves her and her baby so much. She has a perfect man in front of her, who loves her unconditionally, but somehow, from the way she feels, we knew that she didn't really love the man. She was too afraid to let him go. The same goes with how she was with Andrew. But now she knows clearly what she really wants for her life and takes the courage to reject the man.

Through the end of the story, Brett finally found his true love. Remember the psychiatric whom she found so comfortable with? Indeed, He was the same Burberry man whom Brett falls so hard with. The fact that these two ideal men in Brett life suddenly mixed become one, made Brett couldn't help but fall in love with them again. 

In the end, Brett finally found her true happiness and the love of her life. They all thanks to her mom's wish which made her into a girl she is now. Brett was not the coward, ignorant girl anymore. Instead, she is a woman who knows exactly what she does and wants in her life. She has broken free from the cage- the reality which has blinded her perspective all this time. 

I believe a lot of us was just like the old Brett. Living in our comfort zone. Feeling lost and misguided. We often not sure about what we want for our live. Sometimes, we are so ignorant that we often do things that make us unhappy. We are too afraid of changes. It's scary obviously but it is the one phase that we have to face in our life.

The process of life is not easy. We have to overcome a lot of obstacles. Sometimes, We need to get hurt and learn from experiences. The fact that Brett was able to move out of her comfort zones really inspire me. It is not about the inheritance or about the reward that you'll get when you are accomplishing your task. It is all about the experiences and the lessons we get during the process. 

This story teaches me that no matter how good/bad you do. How many times you fail in your life. It's okay. 

Because every time you fall, you will come up as a stronger person. 

"Sometimes it's the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination"

Log #8

The Life List

Lori Nelson Spielman

Pages :167-271

2. Get a dog

10. Be an awesome teacher

From getting a dog to become an awesome teacher, Brett was astonished by how much she has changed in the past 5 months. She is happier now - alive to be exact. She has started to realize what kind of thing that works the best for her. And indeed she is becoming more confident than ever. 

During these times, she understands that not all relationship will lead to a beautiful ending. She lost one of her best friends- Megan, for being in a relationship with her ex-boyfriend. She was also mixed in a false romantic alarm with her mother's attorney- Brad. But sometimes, good things happen when you least expect it. Aside from all the misfortunes, Brett was finally reunited with her biological father who was a very fine and a loving gentleman and she even has a wonderful little sister now.

There are still 7 months left for Brett to accomplish her other 5 lists. Honestly, I am quite afraid for Brett for not being able to fulfill her mission. Let's take "have a baby" as a vivid example. How could she get pregnant and successfully deliver her baby in just 7 months?? It's nearly impossible! 

But well I had this hunch that maybe the baby won't be hers, or maybe an adoption?  I also saw a little sign showing that her student, Sanquita won't be able to survive her labor. So there's a possibility that her baby will be Brett's. But still, I hope that Sanquita will survive and live together with her baby.

I was very entertained by Brett character's development.

 Just like in one of her conversation with Carrie, Brett said, "There's nothing enviable about my life. It's depressing being alone". 

But later in another scene, when she was asked by the poor whether she had any idea how long it took for them to save up even bills?? Brett mumbled to herself " No, I don't. For reasons I cannot explain or possibly justify, I was dealt a lucky hand, a hand that included love and money and education. I'm flooded with guilt and gratitude, humility and heartbreak ". And for once in forever she realized how ungrateful she was all this time. She literally had everything in her life and she still complained a lot. 

In some ways, I could see my reflection inside of Brett. She reminds me of the time when I suffered from depression. Especially the scene when she was talking her heart out with her psychiatric friend. The psychiatric told her that she only need more love in her life. I used to be unhappy and stress a lot. I felt unloved. I get down and lonely whenever I was unoccupied, The depression made me neglecting every good thing I had by my side and focusing on the bad. I was not satisfied with my life and I have high expectation in everything which leads me to an unhappy life. But later, I started to change my perspective. I began to be grateful for all the little thing I have instead of what I didn't. Ever since I started to feel better and blessed.

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything"

Log #7

The Life List

Lori Nelson Spielman

Pages : 75-166

My Life Goals

1. Have a baby, maybe 2

2. Get a dog

3. Stay friends with Carrie Newsome forever

4. Help poor people

5. Have a really cool house

6. Buy a horse

7. Fall in love

8. Perform live, on a super big stage

9. Have a good relationship with my dad

10. Be an awesome teacher

Within 2 months, Brett has managed to fulfill 3 of her life goals. Brett, who used to mock over her mom for having her to accomplish her 'silly' dreams, has finally started to understand her mother's intention. Everything comes clear to Brett when she realized her boyfriend only love her wealth and power and they ended up break up with each other. Honestly, It is quite scary for her mom to be able to see through mostly everything, even more than Brett herself. But it is just the nature of mother right? They always knew what is best for us even though we do not realize it by ourselves.

The message I get from this reading is the love of a mother to their children. Their love is like working behind the stage, without us knowing. But we know it is there.  They never meant to harm us even though sometimes their ways do not work well with us.

Another message was to live our life to the fullest. Spend your time with the right person. Helping each other and do what you really desire the most. I think this is why her mom opposed her relationship with her boyfriend and wants her to find her true love. It is also shown when Brett suddenly realized the idea of being a teacher (which she despised a lot) is actually work out with her. And for once in forever, she found out that she really like to teach. 

There are also parts where I don't really understand. Like when Brett found out about her biologist father. Why now? Why her mom tells her now after all this time? and why her mom suddenly want her to have a good relationship with her dad? well, this still remains a mystery but I hope the search of her biologist father goes well and they can reunite as fast as possible. I believe there must be some hidden purpose behind it and I can't wait to find it out.

There is a story from the novel that I really like and feel like to share with you :

"Perhaps you remember the story I used to tell you of the old man in search of happiness. He wanders the world, asking everyone he meets to share with him the secret to happy life. But nobody is able to articulate what the secret is. Finally, the old man meets a Buddha who agrees to reveal the secret.The Buddha leans down and takes hold of the old man's hands.
He looks into his weary eyes and says, "Don't do bad things. Always do good things."

"The old man stares at him, confused. But that's too simple. I've known that since I was three years old!".

"yes, the Buddha says. we all know this at age three. But at eighty we have forgotten".

This was written in a letter from Brett' mom to her. I think this is also a moral lesson that all of us could learn and apply in our life.

Log #6

The Life List

-Lori Nelson Spielman-

74/331

After reading the front few chapters, I think this book is trying to give us the idea of "Identity". 

Do we really understand who we are? 

Are we being honest toward ourselves?

Are we really living the life we want??

The story of Brett Bohlinger who has just suffered from the misery of her mom's death, do teach me a lot of life lessons. Brett, who used to have an excellent job, a beautiful home, and an irresistibly handsome boyfriend, later realized that she was not happy with what she had. 

Well, she did feel happy before her mother passed away (At least that's how she felt) But her mom was worried that she didn't understand herself enough and didn't know what she really wanted for life. As she grew up, she had long lost the genuine and original value of her life. 

I think this is why her mom left her with a will which she didn't really understand. And why her mom wants her to achieve the dream list she wrote when she was 14 years old 'now' when she was already in her 30's. From these 7 chapters I've read, It is still so vague as to what her mom's intention are. But I suspect her mom hopes that through her completing the dream one by one, she could understand herself better and find back her genuine dream. 

This is indeed a very insightful and touching novel. I learn a lot from here and start to pay more attention to how I really feel. It made me think over and over again about the life I'm living right now.

Log #5

THE RED PYRAMID

PAGES : 311/516

The story continued from a very enticing sub-title "A bad trip to Paris". Who doesn't like to go to Paris. I myself have always been wanting to go to Paris. I love to picture myself strolling around the small alley in Paris. Admiring the beautiful architecture and the warm- soothing street lamp radiating through the entire alley. Well, like a lot of people says, visiting a place as a tourist is different than as a non-tourist.  Just like Sadie and Carter in the story, they had to travel from one place to another to escape from something life-threatening. And Paris just happened to be their next destination. 

I think this story keep changing locations. From London to Washington to Egypt then to Paris. Well, the writer's description is epic. We got to know enough details of from every place to differ them from each other. But in my opinion, every place especially country has their own culture and lifestyle. Still, it's quite confusing when the writer tried to mix all of it together. 

From the reading this week, I learned that Sadie and Carter have already got the grasp of their power -unconsciously. Another scene where they used their power was when they were battling the enemy's pawn in Elvis Presley's hideout. Well, I think the story got ridiculous when the writer explained about Elvis Presley being a magician. Which made Sadie and Carter had to sneak into his tomb to obtain the important magic item. Even though, I have a better picture now of how Presley's hideout like without going there. But I think how the writer trying to connect the real world and his fiction is little bit risky. But overall, it's still a good book to read. 

Three Best Presentations

Cindy Zheng - Seriously.. I'm kidding

Her presentation left me with a deep impression. Especially, when she talked about how she ended up reading that book. How the cover introduction (which wasn't an introduction at all) managed to flatter her into buying the book. Well, I couldn't expect more from Ellen Degeneres. She also said something about "words are like people" no matter how small you are, you are still important and play a good contribution to the others.

Marcus - How to deliver a ted talk

At first, I thought that it would be a boring book. But his presentation and delivery proved that I'm wrong. Well, I think he earned it. He also shared, in order to give a good presentation, we have to 'forget to be good, practice a lot, and believe in ourselves'. Honestly, I am not good in public speaking and I got nervous easily. So I think this book has a lot to teach me.

Celine - Percy Jackson's series

well, as fellow fans of Percy Jackson and Rick Riordan. I think she did great in delivering her sharing. I could see how she love the book. Her presentation reminds me of the times when I'm still reading the Percy Jackson series.

Log #4

PAGES : 212/516

The cold autumn breeze has started to tingle my pores. The season was changing and people began to bring out their winter outfit to replace the wardrobe. I could feel a strong relationship between me and the story since the scene was also taking place in autumn. These could be known as the writer kept emphasizing the weather condition through the description of how the people dressed. When I read this novel I felt like as if the reader itself invited me directly to surf inside and witnessed the story. Moreover since the places inside the story were all from the real world, It made me easier to picture and feel it.

I never like when people keep something hidden from me, especially if they were somebody I held dear to. I couldn't help but feel pity when Sadie and Carter knew almost nothing about the truth. Of course, it was because their father wanted to protect them from danger, but these kinds of secret ? they were way too much for young kids like them. 

Another heart-breaking scene was where they learned about all the truth. They learned how they were supposed to be a host to the gods. How their parents were somehow blood-related to gods. and to make thing worse, they learned it not from their father. But from the abnormalities that started to take place as soon as their father's disappearance. I think everything was just too harsh for them. I would be shocked if suddenly I found out that I was the descendant of royal gods and now i have got to save the world with the little voices inside my head which later I learned that they were the voices of god that reside inside me. 

Now, Carter and Sadie had to learn to control their power since the fate of the world laid in their hands. With the absent of their father and uncle, they had to keep moving from place to place to find and save their uncle and father.

Log #3

THE RED PYRAMID 

RICK RIORDAN

16/516

Have you ever imagined spending your childhood traveling the world

Having your entire life depends on one suitcase alone

Observing the cultures, feeling the world with your own very eyes

Well, congratulation because that are not a dream anymore, at least that's what Carter felt. Ever since his mother's death, Carter has been living apart from his sister - Sadie who lived with their grandparents in London. Thanks to his father who specialize in Egyptology, Carter need to accompany his father who had to travel a lot. This must be the dream of every kid in the world, but not for Carter. He had to travel in such a rush and limited carriage. They often stay in a place for no longer than 2 days and start moving again. Carter's never asked his father why but he bet the reason must be something he could not endure, maybe not yet, that's why he decided to remain silent.

I always love picturing myself backpacking the world. To explore every nook of the world by myself. The fact of how Carter have spent most of his childhood traveling with his father excite me a lot. When any normal child would go to school, playing with their peers, Charter has already been outside observing the world. I couldn't wait to read and know more about the adventure Charter shares with his father. 

This is the first book from the "Kane Chronicles" by Rick Riordan. Unlike the previous books I have read which were mainly about Greek Mythology. These chronicles will cover the story about Egypt Mythology. I think this is quite a big approach for me and this reading could be a very interesting one.

Log #2

417 PAGES

- FINISHED -

A walk through the woods

My son is older than me

Please, Zeus, make it stop

They found themselves strangling through the woods, searching the way to camp half-blood. Apollo and Meg had to find the route to the camp by themselves thanks to their ambush on the way here which made Percy had to be separated from them and lured the enemy away. The woods were acting strangely. The serene atmosphere sent chills through apollo body. The woods were so quiet but trying to forcefully say something. Then he heard someone said, "Find Me, Find Me" followed by the vines trying to throttle them. They ran with Meg leading the way. He was surprised to how Meg looked so confident navigating through the forest and how her words sent the vines into hesitation. But before he realised, they were out of the woods. He saw a bonfire in the distance and the open meadows of the camp half-blood. 

People were staring at them pleading for an explanation. It has been months since they have visitors. People were missing from the camp. The satyr hasn't brought back any unclaimed demigod. The communication between camp half-blood and camp Jupiter and even the outer world has been severed. Moreover, the woods seemed to go into life and went berserk calling for Demigods. Still, He and Meg came out with such a scene from the woods and been nominated as guests of the year. 

After hearing the full stories from Chiron - the advisor of camp half-blood, He went back to Apollo cabin for a rest. In assistance of Will solace, a young man with shaggy blonde hair and blue eyes, indeed, Will is his son. But in this case, Will is older than him. He could not feel more humiliated than he was now. Then he recalled for Chiron's stories. "The gods went on silent since the battles of Gaia. Both camps were in chaos. Demigods could not go on any quest because the oracle hasn't been working on any prophecy. Rachel Dare, his favourite priestesses of oracle has gone to find out what happened but hasn't come back since. They were already short of Demigods and the woods keep devouring them one by one. This morning was Miranda Gardiner- the heads of Demeter Cabin. They have been avoiding the woods but people are still missing."

The worst has yet to come but in the morning two demigods were missing at once. They were Austin and Kayla from the Apollo cabin. Apollo was so angry and almost burst into the woods by himself. But the fact that he was so vulnerable and weak restrained him from the thought. He was so ashamed of being a father who could not even save his own children.  Suddenly, they heard the sound of Helicopter on top of Half-blood hill, beside the Athena Parthenon. It was Rachel Dare. Soon, they learned about their enemies from her. The enemies had been building their powers and connections through millennia. They are none other than the Romans Imperials. They escaped from the underworld - Hades palace and has been working in shadows ever since. They have been preparing and now are their chance. The Oracle had been weakened since Apollo was turned into a mortal, and the palace of the strongest oracle, the Delphi, had been overthrown by Phyton. They are still not sure of who their real enemies are, but these are the best clues so far. 

Their alternative ways were by saving the ancient oracles. They need prophecies in order to go on a quest. Soon, they realized that the "Groves of Dodona" the most ancient oracle had moved to the woods of camp Half-blood. This is the best explanation as to why the Groves kept crying for the Demigods help. The enemies had to destroy all the ancient oracles in order to control over the prophecies and futures. 

Apollo went into the forest with Meg who found herself as an exceptional daughter of Demeter. This explained how she managed to tree-talk and summoned the grain baby spirit in diapers. But unfortunately, Meg hasn't fully escaped from his step-father influence. One of their enemies was indeed imperial Nero, The worst kind of Apollo descendants as well as Meg' step-father. In the end, they managed to save the grove of Dodona and the rest of the missing Demigods, but Apollo has to lose Meg for the price of that. The last Order from Meg to Apollo was "Do, what you need to do". He wasn't sure if Meg said that in order for him to save her from her step-father or it was just part his wishful thinking. 

'There was once a god named Apollo

who plunged in a cave blue and hollow

upon a three-seater

the bronze fire-eater

was forced death and madness to swallow.'

Then there was this another bits and pieces,

The fall of the sun; the final verse,,,

Indiana banana,,,

Happiness approaches,,,

Pages burning,,,

This is their first prophecy from the Grove of Dodona. A prophecy was never obvious from the start. But one thing for sure, Apollo's aid was coming. The bronze fire-eater,, happiness approaches,, 

then they heard this familiar thud.. thud.. noises from the sky. Tears of joys overflow the eyes of the whole campers. Leo Valdez is Back. Finally after the sacrifices he has made in the battles of Gaia. Well, let's say he is dead, but he is not, he was roaming on the sky, and here he is riding on the back of his machine Festus which mean happiness in latin with the immortal sorceress Calypso. Another long journey awaits Apollo and Leo. They have to go on a quest and save the remaining ancient oracles. And their first destination will be Indiana. 

It was so tense. I realized I was holding my breath and jumping on my couch several times when I was reading this book. I feel so touched especially when Leo Valdez finally make a major come back from death. I never believe that Leo is dead. To be Honest, I have made a special connection with Leo since I was reading the previous 5 books. I feel like he resembles me a lot. he was the type of the lonely guy who always makes the sacrifices because he thinks nobody will be at a loss even if he was not there anymore. He always feels out of place there. But still, he is so strong despite from all of this. That's why I feel happy for him when he finally found Calypso who cares and understand him deeply. I can't wait to read the next series "The Dark Prophecy" but it won't be released until April 2017.

Log #1

THE TRIALS OF APOLLO SERIES

BOOK 1
THE HIDDEN ORACLE

AUTHOR : RICK RIORDAN

PAGES : 107/417

" Imagine being stripped of your clothes, then blasted with a fire hose in front of a laughing crowd. Imagine the ice-cold water filling your mouth and lungs, the pressure bruising your skin, turning your joints to putty. Imagine feeling helpless, ashamed, completely vulnerable - publicly and brutally stripped of everything that makes you you." His humiliation was worse than that.

Apollo, who used to be a godly creature now found himself stuck as a mortal - Teenage boy. His memory was hazy, but one thing floated to the surface, the voice of his father, Zeus : YOUR FAULT, YOUR PUNISHMENT. 

Found himself with a new identity inside his wallet, the most handsome god had to deal with utter humiliation living as a dorky, curly-haired teen named Lester Papadopoulos. 

His memory was too fuzzy. Laying on top of the garbage after being tossed straight from the sky was another "lovely" way his father could ever afford. He kept pleading yet cursing at the same time, but Zeus seemed to give him no answer. Certain that he will be stuck for some period inside this mortal body, he finally decided to move on and find his old friend - Percy Jackson for some aid. 

Endless of trials awaited Apollo to earn him an approval and forgiveness from Zeus. However, not only he is losing all of his godly ability, he was also at  disadvantages since a lot of his enemies had been waiting for millennia just for this chance to take him down. But first thing first, in the assistance of Percy Jackson, he had to escort Meg McCaffrey - the unclaimed demigod, who has bond a contract with Apollo safely to Camp Half-Blood.

Rick Riordan has played a big role in building up my reading interest. Ever since I stumbled upon "Percy Jackson and The Lightning Thief" movie inside my brother's collections, I started following the novel version of it. Mythology and his writing style were the two major reasons I keep reading his books after books. The simple yet elegant way he used to describe every details and plot were never failed to make me feel as if I was in it. His way of writing just clicked with the way things flow inside my brain. This is why every time I read his novel, it doesn't feel like I am reading but otherwise, I am feeling it. 

My Reading History

Well, I do consider myself as an inconsistent reader. I am able to read books regularly up to some period of times, while on the other hand, I could find myself idling, not getting touch with books for quite a long time. It is like waiting for the so-called "vibe" gets into my body and that's when I'll read.

I was first exposed to reading when I sat in my elementary school (if memory serves right). I started from comic books and Japanese manga which played a massive role in building up my reading interest. As I got into a higher level of education, my reading's scope gradually increase to a greater extent. Percy Jackson by Rick Riordan was my first ever novel written in English. Ever since then, I become so glued into this novel.. Rick Riordan was such an inspiration to me. He was my every reason to start liking books. Thanks to that, I have read ten of his books, five from "Percy Jackson and The Olympians" sequel and the other five from "Heroes of The Olympus" sequel. As for now, I am reading his latest book which was just released last May "Trials of Apollo". Other than all these books i have described, I also read books from Cassandra Clare "Mortal Instruments", and the "Divergent Trilogy" by Veronica Roth. In the future, I am still looking forward to reading and knowing a lot of books, and of course, I will do my best in order to do so.