Log #4

Title: P.S. I love you

Pages: p.316~470 (FINISH)

Holly had finally opened the eighth, ninth, and the last letter. She had been following the instructions from Gerry for ten year and it was time for her to follow her own heart.

In the eighth letter, Gerry encouraged Holly to find a job she loved. She finally got one and buried herself in it. When I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, I also made myself always occupied. In that situation, I needn’t be worried about anything I should be worried－my awful feelings, my broken heart, friends’ gossip (probably on me), and so on. I tried to make myself block from the world to hide my sorrow. But eventually, the ones who really care about you will complain: why you become so busy and why you refuse those sincere cares? When we are crying to die, maybe someone else is crying for you, too. It’s no need that we make ourselves “look good” when we actually feel bad.

After Gerry died, Holly had been following his instruction and regarded the letters as Bible. As a result, she was afraid to accept the next relationship. I think it’s a dilemma many people would face. When your one relationship goes to the end, you still grieve over the death of the relationship. However, the next one just comes too soon. I faced this difficulty months ago. I was so sad that I ended an over-one-year relationship and I thought how happy we had been but eventually not happy anymore. Then I met up with many other nice guys and found myself fall in love with them. And I asked myself, why could I love another person so soon? So I ran away and hid my feelings as Holly did. At last I thought I was wrong. It’s not my fault. It’s just my feelings. Why don’t I accept my feelings?

Holly made me think of myself a lot. (She is Taurus as me!) Many situations she faced are what I had faced. I’m glad to see she could finally follow her heart and live a satisfied life. But I know, Gerry is still living in her heart, supporting her.