Log #6

Recently, I have been re-watching Sex and the city, both the book and the TV show. I have also watched both the movies again, and not only nostalgia but also other feels I didn’t have when I was younger have come at me strong. My friends love to call me a huge Carrie, which I could not disagree on certain aspects. I am emotional, and incurably romantic just like her. Well, my friends also argue about how much I love the show that I actually end up being with a guy like Big. Not that my boyfriend has ever had 2 marriage before me, but he is older than me, charming, humorous, tall, broad shoulders, sweet and much more attractive compared to me. I would admit that I enjoy this show so much because not only it’s 100% pro women, it’s witty and funny, it’s about New York, it’s about friendship and love, but also I could relate to it on a personal aspect.

 I spent some time to watch the movies again today. It is definitely not as good as the show, but I still love it, especially the first one where Big and Carrie finally decided to get married, but Big panicked and ran away from the wedding. Every time I see Carrie in the wedding gown, broken and Charlotte holding her in her arms, protecting her from Big, I cry like a baby. That is the true definition of a good friend. That is the thing I didn’t see when I first watched the movie. I was younger, and I only focused on Carrie and Big’s relationship; however, as I grow older, I learn that there are more kinds of relationship than just love between a couple. I am lucky enough to have a bunch of close friends who would protect me from anything bad happening to me and definitely be there for me when I need them.

Of course, it also raises the question to me. Should a relationship always lead to marriage? The idea of getting married always freaked me out when I was single or when I was in my previous relationships because I am a person who takes my personal space/time very seriously, also I am scared of waking up next to the same person for the rest of my life. Marriage sounded suffocating to me. But with my current boyfriend is different. He has changed my thought towards marriage with his not that I want to marry him now, but the thought of eventually marrying him is rather bearable. I am curious though, does it have to happen? For example, I have seen two people suffering in a terrible marriage, their goals are to torture each other with their existence by a daily basis. Nonetheless, I have also seen two people happily in a relationship for more than a decade without marriage attached.

Take this as an example, my grandma has lived in Bremen for 40 years now. Before she went there, she had two marriage, my grandfather and then my aunt and uncle’s father but she met Franz after she first got to Bremen. Franz is a typical German guy, stubborn, hard-working, quick tempered. Last time my mom and I visiting my grandma in Germany was 2 years ago, Franz had pissed both of us off with his constant nervousness and seriousness. However, I also understand why grandma could be with him for more than 20 years. Every time he visits granny, he would bring a bouquet of flowers. He always walks with her arms in arms. He always looks at her like she is still the prettiest girl in the whole world. He always laughs and pats her on the head whenever she makes a joke, and he would also praise her for having the best sense of humor. They are perfectly happy, and marriage to them is utterly unnecessary.

I could give another example. My very own mother and father. Two years in marriage, my father never once really took any responsibility he should have in a relationship, and he asked my mom to leave Shanghai (where we lived at the time) without him. He is not even a good father. After a phone call I had with him in 5^th grade, I never heard from him again.

So can you say marriage really lead to a happy ending? I have my doubts. In fact, I would say, no, marriage does not lead to a happy ending. The point is to find the right person in the right time, to find your own way to be with each other, find your own patterns, find your own rules. As long as you do that, married or not, you would be very happy, and that is the only thing that truly matters.