Log #6

Credit is the foundation that builds up any kind of relationship, such as friendship, kinship or even relationship between couples. When I was a kid I believe human beings are all good and kindhearted deep inside their mind, and because I have too much faith in them I have been hurt for countless time until I finally awake from my illusion. This world is not perfect as I think. When you give it all you have, you will only get nothing back but lies. I tend to trust people easily since my dad has taught me to treat people well if you can, and to help those in need if you are able to. Sadly, some people will take advantage on this point, and the better you treat them the deeper you will get hurt in the end. I used to take every single word from my friends seriously, and I perceived our relationships unique.

Everything’s changed when I was studying in junior high. I was so stupid to lend money to my so-called “brothers” at that time. I wasn’t lending money to them directly; in fact, every time we hangout they would always said they didn’t have sufficient amount of money to pay for their meal, their clothes or any damn stuff. I wanted to help them, and so I lent my money to them in a small amount each time. I never asked them to pay back for I trust them, and I deeply believe they would return it without me asking. I was so wrong. Truly. I have never got it back, and both of them have owed me approximately 15 thousand NTD in total. It’s not a small amount of money, but it’s worth spending this money to see through a person.

I am so different now compared to the old me 5 years ago, and my dad thought I have been too defensive when I interact with people. I looked fiendish at the first sight and that makes me hard to reach by people, but on the contrary I am a person easy to get along with. I have become so cold to strangers for I don’t want to trust anyone without observation, if anyone wants to earn my trust one needs to pass the testimony I have set. Of course my dad encouraged me to smile more often, and I am trying to balance between looked friendly and don’t trust people too fast. I am too softhearted indeed, and all the members in my family have this shortcoming as well. I am still learning how to guard against all intents to harm me, but harbor no intention to harm others, and I hope that some day people will make me willing to open my heart once again.