Log #7

    Time really flies. It seems that yesterday were just the first day of this semester. When I looked back what I have encountered, learned, and accomplished these two years in college, I realized that I have become a more mature person in both physical and mental aspect. Since this is the last log I write, I would like to make it special. Also, because the final report for us is to explore ourselves and tell our own stories, I want to focus on three parts what I have experienced and learned so far: truth for self-doubt, having the courage, making decisions. 

    First, let's talk about self-doubt. I believe that most of us or even all human have once had doubts in themselves occasionally or constantly. Last week, I watched a commencement speech in 2014 for the graduate students in University of New Hampshire delivered by Jennifer Lee, the screenwriter of successful animation movie, Frozen. She said that because of her silly curly hair, she was the victim of the bully, which led to her self-doubt during her teenage time and also influenced her in the lifetime. Thankfully, with her families and friends company and encouragements, she was able to take off the lenses of self-doubt, starting to believe she was good enough. I especially appreciate what she said about self-doubt: "When you are free from self-doubt, you fail better, because you don’t have your defenses up, you can accept the criticism. You don’t become so preoccupied with that failure that you forget how to learn from it, you forget how to grow. When you believe in yourself, you succeed better. Hours spent questioning, doubting, fearing, can be given over to working, exploring, living."

This statement is exactly what I have gone through in the college. When I first entered NTUST, I was excited about being ready to learning and confronting new adventures. However, things didn't go as smoothly as I had thought. I usually cared too much about what others' thoughts about me that I ended up flinching and achieving nothing. Not until one day did I made up my mind to change. I decided to put those worries away by truly embracing who I was and what I was capable of. Surprisingly, I found that once I admitted my weaknesses and know my advantages, I was strengthened by an incredible power! Admitting our shortcomings doesn't mean we give up; instead, it enables us to discover things we still need to improve. After overcoming my self-doubt, I made a big determination that would change my life forever.

Jennifer giving speech to graduates from UNH in 2014

One good effect brought by eliminating self-doubts is that I have much more courage to make bold decisions. Last week I read an article mentioning the hardest part being a missionary. Among all the difficulties, the emotional and social parts are especially challenging. I am a person who fears of being rejected by others; loneliness is also my nightmare. Being a missionary and getting in touch with strangers will definitely face obstacles such as loneliness, rejection, frustration and so on. However, these concerns have already been considered when I made the decision. Though I am still afraid of not being qualified, I trust God that he will help me and strengthen my abilities. The article also conveyed a critical point: It’s OK if I feel inadequate at it because I am inadequate. I’ll never be adequate to do what only God can do. There’s a lot I can do to improve, but I don’t have to figure it all out by myself. I can count on Him. From essay, I know that if I have faith in my Heavenly  Father, I could finish things He would like me to do.

  

     Missionaries of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

    When I recalled all the people I have met, all the obstacles, all the tears, all the happiness I have had for the past two years, I was grateful. All of them resulted in my decision to serve to God- being a missionary-, which I believe is the most correct decision I have ever made. Life is full of pain but magical. It is waiting for us to unfold with our all hearts. I am walking on an unknown path after defeating my self-doubt and using my braveness. I hope by what I am doing currently will inspire others to pursue their dreams as well. In the end, I want to thank my families and friends for their unconditional support.  They are one of the reasons I have become now. I love them forever with my whole heart!