Trying Solo Travel
People usually think it’s
terrible to be alone. Thus, most of them usually go with each other and feel
the sense of insecurity without others. I used to be one of them too. In my
junior high, I was always with my best friends. We dined together, walked home
together, and even went to the restroom together. We went anywhere with “someone”.
It seemed that people cannot do anything without others. At that time, I took
it for granted. Human is a social animal.
However, this made me a
close-hearted person. I was dependent to my best friends; that is, I needed
other’s company, or I might be unable to do anything. Finally, I felt limited
and gradually hated myself. I hated myself for I needed others. I hated myself
for I had to be in group and catered to others. I hated myself for caring
others’ opinions so much. Sometimes I couldn’t do what I loved just due to my
best friends’ unwillingness. Just like how Matt was limited by his friend at
the beginning. I appreciated for his courage to travel alone. In the meantime, I
hated my dependence and coward. Actually, I had tried to do the solo travel
when in senior high. I expected it to make me better.
For the first time, I went
traveling alone. There was no one with me. I arrange the itinerary for myself,
mostly the recommended spot I searched on the internet. When I took the train
and then arrived Tainan, I was excited but also fear, because it was the first
time I was alone in a strange place. I didn’t need to cater to others but I
could listen to my heart. I thought so. Yet, I got lost again and again. (I
hadn’t learnt how to use Google map at that age!) The winding path gradually
cut down my passion. I felt helpless in the crossroad, not knowing where to go.
At last, I called my friend in Tainan to come to my rescue and to company me in
the rest of the trip. After this trip, I felt confused. I didn’t know what I
want. Nevertheless, I knew I was happy and received with my friend in the rest
of that trip.
Few months later, I tried another
solo travel. I traveled to a city with nobody knowing me, but the same, the
itinerary was referred to the ones on the internet. This time, I succeeded. However,
I felt the sense of hollowness and loneliness. What did I really want? Therefore,
I started to think about whether there was something wrong. I couldn’t figure
out then.
“And so it turned out that only a life similar to the life of
those around us, merging with it without a ripple, is genuine life, and that an
unshared happiness is not happiness … and this was most vexing of all.” －Boris Pasternak’s Doctor Zhivago
Why
I couldn’t travel alone happily? I couldn’t really realize until I saw what Boris
Pasternak said. He said, “Happiness can’t be called happiness unless it’s
shared.” This is the reason why I didn’t enjoy my first trip at first but felt
received once my friend appeared. This is the reason why I still felt disappointed
during the second solo travel. In the first solo travel, I was unhappy and felt unconfident. When my friend came to me, I shared with him how I just traveled
alone. I felt delighted because I shared my happiness with him, and thus, the
happiness became the real happiness. On the other hand, in the second travel, I
felt frustrated and tried to challenge again. Although I succeed, I didn’t go
through myself.
After
that, I haven’t travel alone again anymore, but I know how to travel happily.
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