Log #6

“To be more confident you need to give a whole lot less of a shit about what other people think of you.” Truth to be told, I used to be a person who thought a lot about others’ opinions or thoughts as what has mentioned above, which somehow ruined my happy life in the elementary school.

Twelve-year-old, which was the time to perfectly get well along with classmates, was also the year of myself being isolated. I was at such a young age that hardly could I know whom did I pick on. The reason why I was isolated was because of my mom being a teacher; the consequence was that teachers would treat me better with no reasons, which arouse the jealousy of my classmates. (It commonly happened in elementary schools.) They considered me as a bribe and liar, bribing teachers to treat them unfairly. Being afraid of losing close friends as I was, it made me become weakened in expressing my true feelings, weakened in doing something that would be the last straw of “friendship destructions.” What's more, doing whatever my classmates requested was always my way to "remain" our friendships back then. I, however, was so naive that being isolated seemed to be doomed in my destiny eventually.

Being isolated was indeed the painful recall from the past memories, which made me lose my self-esteem and become less confident. Whenever I went, bad rumors were spread and whispers behind me were heard. At that time, the last place I could think of and turn to was definitely “the school,” which contained countless unhappiness. In addition, based on the points narrated in This Is How, the past does not haunt us. We haunt the past. We allow our minds to focus in that direction. Although being isolated in my childhood was an awful influence throughout my life, past was the past. Years have passed; I figured out that I didn’t do anything wrong to owe someone an apology. What others think of me doesn’t matter; I’m the one who controls the life. Caring too much about others’ opinions seems not to be a suitable way to get control of one’s life.

Had I got a chance to choose, I would choose to live the best of my life confidently instead of catering others, which was meaningless and time-wasting. Most important of all, I’m the master of my life; I'm living for myself, not others'.

Reference:

http://kellyexeter.com.au/how-to-rebuild-lost-confidence

https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/18224337-this-is-how-proven-aid-in-overcoming-shyness-molestation-fatness-spi