Log #6

Title: The Fault in Our Stars

Pages: ~218(unfinished)

Gus used his only Wish for Hazel to visit the author of AIA. However, when they finally got to Amsterdam and saw Peter, the results seemed unpleasant…

“I was left on the shore with the waves washing over me, unable to drown.” It was what in Hazel’s mind when she found herself got worse. I know it’s a sorrowful and painful to make her feel dying, but all she could do was to feel it rather than just go for dying. I had once got mentingitis(腦膜炎), which would cause severe headache.   

At that time, lying in the bed, I didn’t want to move even for an inch. The thought of dying flashed into my mind for thousands times but the illness still not severe enough to bring me into death. Furthermore, I knew I couldn’t. Additionally, I liked what Gus said: “Pain demands to be felt.” We definitely need to feel pain. Pain is a process of life. Pain is inevitable. Pain is a catalyst to urge us growing up.

In the beginning, Hazel was so afraid that she would hurt Gus because she was ill. She thought she was a grenade for those who loved her. So, does one person has privilege to hurt somebody who loved him/her? No. No one has the privilege to hurt anyone, but they might hurt. Or when Gus was so hesitated to tell Hazel he got cancer tumor all over his body, he was afraid too, afraid to hurt the one he loved and loved him. Nonetheless, it’s not always our fault to hurt. Love hurts. It’s just like the pain, demands to be felt.

When Doctor Maria finally agreed Hazel to go Amsterdam, she said, “It’s your life.” That’s right. Totally agree. Although Hazel couldn’t choose whether sick or healthy, at least it should be her to choose the other parts of her life. It was her life. That makes me think that, if we were the severely sick one here, which would we choose? I think, if it were I, I would rather enjoy the rest of my life than receive the maybe-useless treatment. I know it’s passive and pessimistic. Each person may have different choices. I just want to pursue what I really live for, and I don’t want myself to live for just living.

I also like the concept－our world is not a wish-granting factory. It may sound pessimistic, but it’s the truth. How we wish our world was a wish-granting factory!

I really wonder what’d happen in the next chapter－what’d happen after Gus’ confession to his new tumors and why Peter Van Houten (the author of AIA) was so rude to them.