Log #5

Book: Better Than Before

Author: Gretchen Rubin

Page: p1~110

     Before I opened this book, through the cover and the back, I knew that it is a book about making our lives better than before through mastering the habits; then, I wrote down three questions : (1) Can I REALLY find some good advices or approaches to help me become better than before? (2) Through this book, will I know more about what is habit and how it will influence my life? (3) Will it REALLY help me deal with ‘habits’?

     Beginning reading a few chapters, I started to realize the power of ‘habits’ and really delved into the relation between ‘habit’ and ‘change’—when we say “I want to change my life/myself “ , is it definitely as same as “I want to change my habits?” After some consideration, I considered that cultivating a habit is a necessary process of bringing a change, because a real ‘change’ means not able to return to the original state, and ‘habit’ is also something that won't easily fluctuate. As for why ‘habit’ is stable, Gretchen provides the very interesting information: Habits can free us from decision making and using self-control. (Decision making involves resisting temptation or postponing gratification.) 

   
     There is another quote which provoked my reflection on habits:

     “If I consider my life honestly, I see that it is governed by a certain very small number of patterns of events which I take part in over and over again.

Being in bed, having a shower, having breakfast in the kitchen, sitting in my study writing, walking in the garden, cooking and eating our common lunch at my office with my friends, going to the movies, taking my family to eat at a restaurant, going to bed again. There are a few more.

     There are surprisingly few of these patterns of events in any one person’s way of life, perhaps no more than a dozen. Look at your own life and you will find the same. It is shocking at first, to see that there are so few patterns of events open to me.

     Not that I want more of them. But when I see how very few of them there are, I begin to understand what huge effect these few patterns have on my life, on my capacity to live. If these few patterns are good for me, I can live well. If they are bad for me, I can’t.”
—Christopher Alexander , Architect

     These words genuinely raise my alertness to the need of instantly examining the patterns in my life and my everyday habits. They also make me be conscious of the fact that there might be quite a few parts of my life being able to cause big influence to my future without my knowing it;  just as another quote said:” The future is today.” However, it is hard to have a better handle on my patterns through looking at what I have done in just one day, so I started to monitor my daily routines and activities from the day before yesterday. I can hardly wait to see more clearly on my own real patterns of life.

     Due to the fact that people are very different from each other, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution exist, we must cultivate the habits that work for us. Therefore, the first important thing is to know ourselves. In section 1, “Self-Knowledge”, according to an important question on habits :“ How people response to expectation?” (When we try to form a new habit, we set an expectation for ourselves.) , Gretchen developed the framework of the Four Tendencies, including Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels. Besides, in our group discussions, we spent most time discussing “What group we think that we belong to and Why?”

   
     For my part, I consider myself as a Questioner. To a Questioner, everything need a rational reason. 
These are the points that make me fit in the category of “Questioners”:


1) I question all expectation and respond to an expectation only if they conclude that it make sense.

2) If I believe that a particular habit is worthwhile, I’ll stick to it—but only if I am satisfied about the habit’s usefulness. In other words, if I want to maintain a habit, I cannot forget the reason.
3) I often willing to do exhaustive research to seek for a reason or to justify/make sure whether I can believe in the reason. But, my appetite for information and justification can become overwhelming.(sometimes it can even become out of control)
3) I sometimes feel exhausted by my questioning, but I do think everyone should be Questioners, because that approach is most rational.

4) I’m motivated by what I believe to be sound reason, logic and fairness. 
However, it is actually my weakness because sometimes the reason that I believe is reasonable or rational may be imperfect or blemished. Consequently, to avoid upholding a fragmented insistence, I must often discuss with different people to double-examine my thoughts.
   
     I won’t say whether I like to be a Questioner or not, because I cannot think of any more rational choices than to live in this way. Anyway, I hope this framework can help me discover the problems that potentially hide in my habit of forming a habit.

     By the way, you can go check what Tendencies you belong to through this Quiz:
http://www.surveygizmo.com/s3/3163256/Gretchen-Rubin-s-Quiz-The-Four-Tendencies-Fall2016